This is a lesson taught in the camouflage course. Another is keep your head down, this from the sound of super sonic cracks of AK47 rounds popping overhead.

Generally I refrain from many social medias because it’s clear from personal experience and studies that it’s bad for your mental health. As I am in Mexico, Facebook is required because it’s the portal all businesses use to advertise services. I find Facebook groups particualy painful. I akin it to voluntarily commiting yourself to an insane asylum. A taleted young woman with a Youtube channel Lex and Riot pointed out that the world was filled with great people, unfortunately all the assholes are on social media. I see today that she has deleted everything and wants to live a private life.

That asside I’ve been reading that as we age, social connections are good for you, something I have avoided for the past ten years. In fact I have all but forgoten how to start a friendship or even nuture the ones I have. In spite of this I joined a couple of groups and found aforementioned assholes, maybe I’m one? Not only that but also I have found some people worth knowing if only I knew how.

A women by the name of Jeanne posted in several groups and her demeanor was very pleasant and encouraging. A dog owner who made her own food from quality items. All of our interaction came from a local food postings group we both contribute to. I’m fond of riding my bike around looking for new places and posting photos of them. She will comment and add some of her own favorites that I still have to try. I sent her a friend request and she accepted. Now I have six.

It was with sadness that we were notified of her passing the other day. A heart attack I think. She was 64. Is that old? I’m 66 and that feels old most of the time. I missed an opportunity to meet her and maybe more friends at a dinner spot I haven’t come upon yet. A stranger to me that is on my mind a legacy that doesn’t seem to be so bad.

It is ten years since my brother Ray passed from liver cancer. Ten years since I dug into my bunker hoping to keep away more bad news.

It seems I was doing good keeping away unpleasant news till I received an email from a veterans group I belonged to. Someone dear to me was trying to reach out and hoped a message could be forwarded. I wonder, who’s dead? It has been difficult for me to reconnect to people that were very close to me. Baby steps. I think something is broken in me and I’m not sure if I can fix it or if I even want to.

I recieved a Whatsapp message last week that one half of the friends, the social half, now has lung cancer. At 77 and a myriad of health problems the future is not so bright for her. I am lamenting about not building a strong enough bunker to keep this kind of thing away from me. I am trying to work out in my mind whether to make a trip now and celebrate the life that is left.

As an after thought I asked her yesterday if her two boys or grandchildren provide help. She is getting radiation and is on oxygen as a result of COPD, smoking and a non vigorous lifestyle. The answer is expected. No.

My sister is 74.

John Donne penned a poem No man is an island. The thought is that each person is a piece or a part of the whole of humanity. It doesn’t seem my self imposed annexation from humanity is working so perhaps I need to get busy living or get busy dying. Baby steps.